Friday 30 August 2013

Lately

It has been long while since I have written much of anything in this blog.  Chances are no one is really following it now and merely looks at my photos on Facebook! I am in the mood for writing today so I guess I'm not too worried if anyone reads this or not.

I'm not going to lie, the reason I haven't written much this year is purely because its been a harder year than normal and I haven't really felt up to writing.  I knew that if I sat down to write my words would be deep and heartfelt, too much for a little cake blog.

For the last several months I have been debating whether to get my kitchen certified so that I could take my hobby to the next level.  My kids are getting older and it was time to do something.  For myself and for the family.  I had someone come around and check the house out and even went to the bank to get a loan to start things rolling.  For some reason though, I just couldn't push myself to take the step.  Its like my feet were stuck in concrete.  What was wrong with me??

About six weeks ago I ran into my old boss pre-kids and she asked me if I wanted a job? I didn't say no....maybe? Part time? The thought had never occurred to me and I was doing cakes wasn't I? BUT the more I thought about it, the more the idea appealed to me.  While I was deliberating over this all important decision I volunteered my time making the morning teas for the holiday program at my church (which I should say has an AMAZING kitchen).  In doing so I discovered one very important thing.  I want to do cakes but I don't want to do them full time in my home. I can't do them in my home in fact.  I want to go somewhere else, leave the mess and then come home.  This was a great revelation to me! The problem is that I am nowhere near the stage of my life where I can start a proper cake business out of a shop.  My husband is in the process of taking over a business and I know how hard owning your own business is.  Its not fair on him or my kids for me to take it to that next level yet.  That is not to say that it won't ever come.  Just not right now.

I took the job and 4 weeks ago I started working part time, 20 hours week.  The first time really proper working since having my daughter nearly five years ago.  I was terrified and excited at the same time.  What if my brain was mush and I can't do anything?  What if I have nothing to talk about to normal people but my kids? How will I possibly manage my kids and a job?  What if they get sick? So many questions.

I had nothing to worry about really.  My brain isn't mush and I have remembered more than I thought. I have already had to face sick kids who had been healthy all winter I might add.  But we handled it OK. To be honest I maybe should have done it a long time ago.

Going back to work has taught me two very important things.  I am a better mother busy then not and I cannot compare myself to other mothers, including my own. My own mother was a stay at home mum of five kids.  I had a great upbringing and loved having her around while other kids mums went off to work.  I kind of always thought that I wanted that for my life.  But I'm not my mum.  I am Lisa. When I am not busy I become un-motivated to do much of anything. I get in a fog and am not really sure what to do next.  I need a schedule to follow, I need to always know "Whats next?"   I've always been a super fast mover in everything I do and do best racing from one thing to the next.  Its just how I work. But guess what?  When you are a mum at home with your kids, there is no race.....in fact, everything feels like snails pace and nothing gets done fast.  So for me, at home, nothing gets done.  The house is rarely cleaned.  When I have too much time on my hands I get lost in daydream and never think about whats happening in "now" time.  In fact, I guarantee all the drawers in my kitchen are open 90% of the time and its not my kids or husband that leave them open.   It was no surprise that when I started work that suddenly my house is cleaner, I am more organized and am more patient with my kids.  I have come to the reality that I am a better mother for my kids and for my house working then not.  Someone saw me a week or two ago and said that I looked the happiest they have seen me in awhile.  Its true.  I feel more content, more satisfied with myself as a mum and as a wife.

I may not be taking my cakes to the next level but I plan to still make them.  I need the creative outlet.  I also have come to love teaching the cupcake workshops and plan to expand on that.

Here's some of the cakes I have done since March.